Commuter Etiquette

Etiquette Rules for the Everyday Commuter…
so we can all have a pleasant ride home.

1. Loud cell phone talkers; LOWER YOUR VOICE!! Nobody is interested in your little drama or giggle-fest with the person on the other end. Do you talk that loud when you’re at home? Pretend you’re at the library or you’re telling someone a secret. Shhhhh!
2. Nose picking; you can’t be discrete about it. I see you doing it! You think you’re being sly about inserting your finger tip up your nose and digging around for that mucus covered/crusted shit and then pulling it out. Once you have it between your index finger and thumb, you roll it to a tiny booger ball and drop it to the floor. That’s disgusting!
3. Guys, offer your seats to the elderly and/or pregnant woman. Why is it that the ladies are offering their seats to the elderly and/or pregnant? Are there no men with any form of gallantry out there?
4. Guys, put your foot down from your knee. Nobody wants to see what you stepped in or want a giant sole print on their leg. It’s obnoxious and again, nobody gives a damn about your sperm count (see last item). Instead, why don’t you aim that foot of yours at your date or friend as opposed to the stranger on the other side of you.
5. Girls, stop flicking your damn hair. Nobody wants to take home a strand of your DNA or worse, any of the parasites you are carrying in your hair. Not to mention that you might hit someone in the mouth or eye with your hair.  See also #16 for additional comments.
6. Take the seat that is available. Don’t ask someone to move over especially if they are napping on the train. That’s rude!
7. When getting on the bus or train, watch where you are walking. Nobody likes to be stepped on even if it is by accident.
8. When taking a seat next to someone, don’t throw or slam your body into the seat! You’re actually hitting the person next to you and they don’t appreciate it.
9. Say “Excuse me” when attempting to pass people, or to get their attention. If they do not respond, address the person “Sir” or “Miss” or “Ma’am” and repeat “Excuse me”.
10. Walk on the right side, pass on the left.
11. Don’t put your bags on the empty seat next to you; most likely, someone will sit down next to you so get used to the fact.
12. The buses and trains are “public” transportation but it isn’t your home! Save your nail clippings for your bathroom.
13. Take your trash, food and drink containers, and newspapers with you when you leave the train.
14. Men, unless you have a serious medical condition, sit with your legs closed. Nobody is going to give you a lap dance and nobody cares about your sperm count.
15. When waiting for the bus, if there is a line, get in line!  Don’t try to cut to head and pretend you’re looking at the bus schedule.  Get in line like everybody else who is standing in line.
16. Don’t brush your hair if and when you are sitting or standing next to someone on the train or bus.  Nobody wants to be dusted with your deadskin cells, or skin mites, or loose hair strands home with them.  See also #5 for additional comments.
17. Cover your mouth when you yawn.  Nobody wants to see the inside of your mouth, or be hit with your nasty breath if you’re one of those people who don’t realize you have bad breath.
18. Be mindful of your wet umbrella when you are in a crowded bus and train.